Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
