I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
