you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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