OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
