i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
