I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
