omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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