Slut skills are useful in every country.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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