Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
