Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
