Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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