yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
