3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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