That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
