um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
