So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
