if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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