btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
