I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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