Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
