Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
