It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
