Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
