I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Send help, water and tortillas.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
