In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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