i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
