Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
