I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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