I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
