I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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