I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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