it hurts more in the daytime
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
