i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
