yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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