The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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