i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
