I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
