I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
