Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
