If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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