so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
