Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My feet surprised me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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