I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She bit a glass in half.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
