What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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