you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
