well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
