Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
honey bunches of taint.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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