Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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