Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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