Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
