when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
