I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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