Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
