I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
