If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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