I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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