I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
