We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
