I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
