Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
