we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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