I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
