6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We were destined to go to rehab together
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
