If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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