is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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