I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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