well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
