something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
