It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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